Just the always emotional me..

As i change my layout n stuff.. i realised that i've changed over time... is it good? or bad? i dont know.. perhaps both... i think i am becoming a lil scary as i dont even know who i am any more.. its so scary to change w/o realising n i am some one who needs to be in ctrl of myself.. cuz no one can ctrl me.. time seems to be accelerating.. i am so afraid suddenly.. i hate to be losing ctrl man.. i dream alot.. but i wonder do i really want the dream to turn into reality?
Would you not agree that fear actually intrigue us? well at least for me its e case... i guess w.o fear many things will lose its meaning..
why must one choose to escape and live in denial n pretence when he can face the issue.. fear.. fear of rejection, fear of failing, fear of looking into the other's eyes, fear of giving in, fear of losing something dear, fear of changes, fear of facing unpleasant emotions.. to sum it up its all because of fear..
i think i am weird.. or perhaps just extremely stubbon.. wadever thats forbidden, challenging wrong or sinful tends to push me even further..but after its solved or achieved, it no longer has any meaning.. think this is one aspect i really gotta change.. if nto i'll nv gonna be happy..