everything

sadly... the truth is out... but i am still deciving myself.. refusing to face e reality.. things will nv be e same again.. be it nw or e future... its ald too late.. the changes have became irreversible... we noe tt our limit is only dere n it ain gonna stretch.. time to grw up.. n welcome myself to e reality....all e dreams had ended... all e sweetness is over... only bitterness n pain is left...n its killing me... its unbearable... i miss the old....
i don need anyone to sae anything to comfort me becos ultimately i am e one who is going thru hell so no one will ever noe wad pain i am going thru if u truly care jus pretend tt u din read tis entry..


if only i cud turn back time..

wohooo...

damn pissed wif his fucking auntie... use my stuff... w/o my permission... n she does it openly 4 daes in a row.. who wud nt be pissed tell me!! wad audacity she has... duhhh... fucking hate her..spoil my so call hols... n her ill mannered daughter is jus as bad... banging on our door jus so tt she can play wif pearl n whenever we came home she practically suffocate pearl to preven her frm coming to us.. my hands r itching to kill the two of dem.. argh!!!!!!!!!!anyway.. me n dear try to go out as much as possible to avoid seeing her....went to marina sq early tis week but its boring..after which headed to suntect for dinner at crystal jade n sadly my fav dish is nt available anymore! awwww...den after walking ard we headed to ben n jerry's.. MY FAV!!! e services dere is realie gd n e ice cream is realie AWESOME... its gonna be my nx fav hang out place hwever i find e outlet too small...!!!wed went to bugis wif dear.. din do much oso jus wanna get away frm e hse..but we bought our fav fondant, cheese stick n eclair..yeah~ met up wif jia jin on thurs ..tok abt our lives n we realised tt we r pretty much facing e same stuff... sigh... anyway... fri met clarence den after starbucks den after we walk ard abit at town we no where to go so we went to find chong at yishun.... he treat us to bubble tea n i tried to li siao him...he said tt he's actualie itching to "hoot" me if he din recognise me in time.. cos i cheekily said tt i wanna order strawberry milk tea wif peppermint almond no pearls apple flavour wif blue coral powder n he was so bz at tt time hahahaha i was bursting out wif laughter... den clarence said tt he nv change at all... n both of us agreed tt he looks realie young for his age.. after tt went to zouk... reopening tt is... queue for an hr!! omg i was so tired n pissed while waiting n some fat bitch step on my already injured toe... was damn FUCKING piss n i think if it was me a few yrs back i wud haf f her upside dw.... -.-"" zouk din change much n e music is realie rotten tt dae.. i still luv stingray lots! haha... anyway sch gonna start soon sian!!!

:(

i am sick of blogging bout sad things... but tis is wad i am going thru nw... n he don understd... i dono hw... i don lyk to bother anyone... but i feel so helpless... i sound lyk some pathetic frk i noe... but maybe i am realie damn pathetic nw... when i am alone... i no longer feel ur existance in my heart.. i jus feel realie empty... is tis realie wad we will end up like? i dono .. will u ever regret if u were to lose me becos of tis... i realie wonder... if tis r.s cant work out.. hw do u expect to to std up again... if e one u realie love n trust let u dw... where will u get the strength to start again? i don wan e dae to come when i realised everything has ended... u said u tried to salvage... i realie don c it... u realie dono wad i wan...u don lyk me to sae tt u haf change but haven u ? everydae i slp n wake wif tears... do u care? haf u ever try to put urself in my shoes.. u think tt every thing is jus becos of my sensitivity... but why is dere smk when dere is no fire to begin wif... instead of jus using tt as an excuse y don u try to analyse tis whole situation in another perspective.. nw i realised... sometimes love jus ain enuff...
will somebody jus come n kill me ?

br0ken heart

have been crying so much tis few daes tt my eyes don luk lyk eyes any more.... don ask me y don ask me wad happen... don console me don act lyk u noe don...
i felt so alone... tho i am surrounded... tho u r still ard but deep dw inside i feel like an empty shell. i am so afraid tt while u set ur mind on our future... we might nt even get pass the present let alone in future... i feel so inseccure.. so weak.. so lost... no one will noe hw i feel rite nw...all my life i haf nv put so much hope n trust n faith in a r/s n nw i felt so dispair...
i reallei wanna thx clarence... for being dere for me tis few daes... if nt for u i dono wad wud haf become of me ler.. u realie made me feel better..
e sadest thing abt a couple is when both of u still love each other but u noe bcos of sm reasons things ain gonna wrk out n some parts of ur another half is ald gone n e one u love so dearly may hav changed to another person who, altho look exactly e same outside, but is nv e same again inside... n u can only sit dere n witness e death of love slowly diminish till nth is left at all...
n tt's us..


anyway... i regret spending e 140 at estee lauder cos nw i am broke! but i mus sae e free gift dey gift all e skin care products r realie good... after using e minatures i sure will go buy all e 5 bot again but one bot ard 80 + or more i think gonna save up ler!! my final conclusion after all this yrs is... i love estee lauder! <3 <3 <3

hangoverrr

..ytd ..
i've nv been so drunk in my life n its crazy..
ended up throwing up n puking all e way .. yucks...
e hangover is killing me...

sometimes

smtimes.. i think i am realie naive.. all issit jus a case of denial... ?
i dono.. i am scare... e weeds might haf been removed but the roots r still dere
maybe one dae.. e weeds will sprout out again...
i am realie naive thinking tt everything will be like e past but i noe smthings tho might look like a piece.. might actualie contains so many scar inside.. i noe dere is no perfection in e wrld... neither do i dare to ask for tt... but all i want is PEACE.. n some ass jus refuse to lemme...
y must tt asshole time n time again disrupt our peace.. he realie sux... i hope he kenna car bang TONIGHT! don come n disturb my life any more.. tho he wun c tis entry cos we aint cls but hw i itch to sms him asking him to get lost n outta our lives... he shud be a woman nt a guy so naggy n irritating... he wanna be a fucking asshole no one is stopping him but y must he drag pple into hell wif him... i simply detest pple lyt.. ownself landed in shit still wanna drag pple into it so as to acc him.... using the wrd .. "fren" is tis hw u realie trt ur fren by pulling dem into hell as well? i thot fren shud warn each another? perhaps its jus selfish reasons.. but my boi is SO BLINDED! y must i be e one to warn him time n time again when i noe he wun c e pic i c in my mind?
one more thing.... if tt ass is so free go n get some life.. stop bothering us lah... n so KPO for wad... if there is one thing abt me i hate pple to be kpo... my own family wun even be kpo abt my affairs who give outsiders e rite? his auntie is one v gd example... nt gonna start on tt if nt wud be endless...
tt ass .... y must he oways include me in e conversation n picture? wad i am doing is none of his concern lo.. y must he oways ask my bf abt my stuff n y mus my bf oways ans him abt my stuff... y cant he leave us alone tt leech! i hope n pray n pray he will c tis entry n AUTO abit but i noe.. unless is realie fated he wun.. n the last thing i wan is a pryer like him on my blog ...

ytd..

went to kbox wif him reese n elliot.. its fun we majiam go dere haf picnic.. haha... its gd to go out n cool dw.. but things hav improve n i am glad..
todae... we haf been together for 8 mths.. the inauspicious mth... tt call for a celebration!

GOING CRAZYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!

W.S.S.L

So sad
so disappointed
so depressed
so hurt
so vexed
so lost
so cynical
so angry
so faithless
so helpless
...
n so much more

no one on earth is reallie worthy of ur trust n love
smtimes being good at concealing pain doesnt mean it aint hurt at all

early morning...

woke up to c a sms tt piss e hell outta me... to hell wif tt bastard n bitch hope u guys rot in hell soon k .. YEAH go away... as far as u can... don haf to make it sound so crude when u r e crude ass urself.. fucking hell... n who e hell is e asshole to judge ... wanna play judgement? wait for ur doom day where u will DIE till v pretty it all depends on hw piss we r to do tt mean thing but if we did it u guys pushed us to it...

i'm such a lazy ger!

haha my bf digi cam is ald full but i still cant drag myself to upload e pics cos i am so lazy! hmmmm one dae i must!!! anyway i JUST receive my result b fo com skill d for econs haha heng ar pass ar i don ask for much ! anwyay next week test ler same expectation as long as pass can ler la...
life is v smooth sailing for me nw...
as far as i noe financial wise i don haf to worry till i finish sch cos of tt thingy...
tt is one HUGE prob solve...
anyway me n dear plan properly so we divide e money into a monthly allowance thing so tt i don haf to fret till i finish sch... n e amt is jus nice.. hehe
R/s wif my bf n family is great...
Sch is fun...
n e prob tt has been bugging me for like 5 yrs is starting to get in ctrl... oh mine i am so glad....
but some hw
smthing is lacking n i dono wad...
i feel bored eh..
nth to buy nth new to do... kinda sux..
spore sooooo small!!
tis kinda prob is call.... too free liao nth to think of n create my own prob... hahaha
anyway.... tis week is study week but i decided to slack till fri..
cmon la my sch no hols eh only study week can slack.. tho normal daes i oso slack lah haha
ok la go n find some stuff to do ler !
btw i am such a sucker for Beard papa!!
n nw i am craving for e paper pot thingy!!!

:(

I MISS HOME!!!!
But guess wad i'm heading hm soon...
n i VOW to myself i am going to live in my hse for at least 5 daes...
sigh
felt so distant some hw..
n guilty
of wad?
perhaps of nt going hoime when its my home.....
i miss home realie...
boy am i glad to be going home soon
i realise.. at e end of e dae.. when eveyrthing collapse n everyone forsake u
ur family is e only one left standing for u...
i rem tt dae..
when i felt so dispair...
subconsciously...
i found myself calling out for dad...
i realise
hw all my life..
he is e one
who protects me..
frm all the shit in the wrld
even if i'm e one who started the shit..
he will still stand by me..
oh god
i miss my family..
:(

some pple

Some pple will DIE if dey dun flaunt for a dae...
i felt so disgusted nw yucks....
anyway.. wad r frens who backstab u called?
i dono man tell me abt it! tt is if u noe
cos i don n i think it stinks...
some mask r sooo deciving... duhhh
I FEEL NAUSEOUS NW!
Enuff of tt *****
Am so bz nwadaes... sigh.. over tt ass thingy.. :( i noe i'm neglecting my online time! or rather i haven been online for ages!! anyway have been cooking quite alot as cooking takes up alot of my time n i simply enjoy it!
ytd went to M.B for dinner wif dear... so fun~ after tt went to bugis n i bought a custom made perfume thingy tt i love so much... wanted to make choc fondant jus nw but when i went to shop for e ingredient i had a sudden change of mind n bought the ingredients for japanese paper pot instead... aha~ tml can eat tt! dere goes my fondant! i'm gonna make tt one fine dae! anyway i am facing a HUGE prob - short term memory..
its seems to be getting worse! argh!!
anyway managed to put up e clips of tiesto at Friendster.. whOohOo!!
hopefully my bf com can recover soon its so inconvenient to run abt using coms tt wrk!
n one last thing... i REALLY cant std tt kid! GRRRR....

Silence speaks more den a thousand wrds..
But to insensitive brats.. dey'll use tt to climb over ur head...